I don't wanna!

I don't want to do things the Chicago way!  I don't want to risk getting shot if I go to a funeral, and I don't want to face the possibility of $105K worth of parking tickets because the city can't be arsed to figure out that a car should be towed, and doesn't belong to me in the first place. 

And that doesn't even count the danger that doing things the Chicago way puts children in.