Saturday, February 25, 2012

Sanity FAIL!!

Those of y'all that have do you handle a three year old imp that grates a Cheese-It (or three) through the back of his bedroom's space heater?  And puts dry cereal (Cheerios, et. al.) down the floor vents of the central heating/air?  And paints the walls with chocolate milk and spit?  And throws food into the drawers of clean dishrags/towels that have to be stored next to his high chair/booster seat when Mom and Dad aren't looking?

Or a fifteen month old pixie that refuses to take more than one nap (of less than an hour's duration) throughout the day, wakes up several times at night, wants to get up at before the ass-crack of dawn (after I've managed to finish work for the day and crashed on the far side of midnight), and spends most of the rest of her day at my knee chanting "up! up! Mama, up!" while I'm trying to work?

I've tried everything I can think of.  I'm out of patience, ideas, and sanity. 

And, thankfully, grading...until the next batch comes in Monday morning.  And then Wednesday.

I think it's time for a drink.  I wish I had the time and/or a reliable, trusted babysitter for some loud meditation with some lead-based therapy.  I could use some time behind a rifle.

At least they're cute.  Or, Odysseus and I think they are.


  1. My daughter has these same conversations with us about her 6 year old and 4 year old girls (with number 3 daughter due 4/9). We smile, nod knowlingly, thank the gods of "Grandma's Curse" and assure her things will me much better when her kids are 16, 14 and 10. :)

    Enjoy these times, they will be gone before you know it - and then, in simply a blink, they will be filled with wonderful grandchildren! It is just life's path - for you and your sons. All is going as it should!!

    My actual solution was always to turn red, have my head explode and "share in a very direct manner" my unhappiness. My wife was always the civilized one!! :)


  2. I'd be a bit more "civilized" in my reactions to my son' misbehaviors...if it had at all worked in the beginning. It didn't. I don't know what to do about my daughter. She's just very much a momma's girl, and just. Doesn't. Sleep.

  3. AH the joys of being a parent. You will remember these as time goes by. Like when they finish high school, college or the day they get married.

    We were blessed with 5 kids. Oldest now 25 youngest 14. Time flies.

  4. No comment. Didn't have children. My own mamma would've beat my a$$ if I'd done what you son did. But, be kind to your kids, they'll be the ones to pick your nursing home.

  5. Cool it, Mom!

    What would one expect from an imp and a pixie?

    Being CUTE is what it's all about!

  6. PS

    One of my favorite TV commercials!!

  7. Rob--just yesterday, I was bringing the imp home after a five week stay in the NICU after he was born early (8 weeks). Just yesterday, I was bringing the pixie home with me after being born late enough that she didn't need to stay in the NICU (only 4 weeks early). I know what you mean about time flying.

    Sharon--beating his @$$ doesn't seem to make much of an impression. I wish it did.

    OCM--cute is a mild term. Some of the things they say and do nearly make my ribs creak trying not to laugh and encourage them to repeat naughtiness. Like chirping "butt paste" back and forth at each other...the imp doesn't have the word "naked" in his vocabulary--he asks to "run[with a] bare penis"--and the pixie will bring you things she's not supposed to have and say "dere y'go. Good girl!"

    Sometimes, I can't help laughing.