Me: Son, why did you hit the other little kid?
Imp: [tears]
Me: Did they hit you?
Imp: No... [more tears]
Me: Take something?
Imp: No...[more tears]
Me: Make fun of you?
Imp: [crying accelerates] Yes!
Me: Why?
Imp: My talking.
Me: Because of the way you talk, or because you never shut up?
Imp: The way I talk! [positively bawling, at this point]
And at that point, I gave him a snack, and went off to ponder advice. About half an hour later:
Me: [sitting on the kitchen floor] Son, come here.
Imp: What?
Me: No hitting. Not anybody.
Imp: That boy hurt my tummy.
Me: You mean your heart? Your feelings?
Imp: Yes, my feelings.
Me: You still don't hit. You say "Well, God bless you, too." And you don't talk to them, or play with them, or sit with them. And then you go tell a teacher.
Yes, the imp needs speech therapy. Yes, he has needed speech therapy for a while. Yes, we had him assessed, but he was totally uncooperative. I figured that we'd have to let him experience this before he'd be willing to do the necessary work.
I love my son. I love my son enough to break my own heart by letting him get into situations like this. If he's permitted to fail now, he'll learn how to handle it, and he'll be a success later in life, while the little mouth-breathing spoiled-rotten neanderthal who made fun of him can't do anything more complicated than pushing an idiot stick* with a fifty-thousand dollar student debt hanging over his head.
*An idiot stick: A stick with a shovel, mop, or broom head on one end, and an idiot on the other.
3 hours ago
Truly sorry to hear this... And yes, teaching him NOW will benefit him in the long run.
ReplyDeleteVery much so. I understand his position--I was often made fun of in school. Not about the way I talked (except for occasionally using fifty dollar words when the nickle and dime words slipped my mind in conversation), but about everything else. I grew a thick skin, and learned quite well how to deal with frustration.
DeleteI'm teaching college, part time. Many of the ones that mocked me never left the home town, and barely made assistant manager of the local fast food chains, fifteen years after having graduated HS.
I think you handled it better than many; in spite of the anger and anguish. I have a feeling you gave him something other than just a reaction of hurt to add to his arsenal. That's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI try. I love my kids, and I refuse to cripple them by taking care of their problems for them.
DeleteThose are always the hardest lessons. Hopefully this doesn't continue, and he decides to cooperate with speech therapy.
ReplyDeleteI know it's awfully hard on us...and the imp tends to cooperate better when he knows why something's going on.
DeleteWell, I think he did good to pot the little b**tard that was making fun of him. If more kids did that, there would (1) be a hell of a lot less bullies and (2) a lot less adult victims. I know the school system is all Kumbaya and let's love one another, but there are some people in this world that only understand a good punch in the face.
ReplyDeleteIt puts you in a tough spot at school. I guess one thing I can say is that the staff at the school is concerned about covering their own asses, and your own child's best interests will come a long way second to that with them.
I've taught him the "God bless you, too," thing to make the imp look better, and the other kid look worse. From what I gather, it's probable (given how light his punishment at school was) that the other kid was overheard by the principal. I can't tell you if he was punished or not, but I also don't want my kid learning to handle frustration with his fists. He's a highly emotional little boy, and I really don't want him going to jail for assault as an adult.
DeleteI have told him that it's okay to hit back if someone hits him first, and damn the consequences. I've also told him that it's okay for him to get between a bully and a victim, and try to back the bully down. I've seen him do this on playgrounds, so I know that's part of his basic makeup. I'm not worried about turning the imp into a pansy. I just want to make sure he learns not to throw the first punch.
Well, I see your point, and as a child I guess it's ok to take the first shot and then retaliate. But I'm not sure that's a very viable strategy once he gets into middle school, where kids are big enough to finish off a grown man with one good shot in some cases. I also recognize the validity of your concerns about his behavior as an adult, but there are times when even grown men have to fight in self defense. I don't have any easy answers, nor can I say "this is a better plan than yours." I taught my son (and daughter) self defense, and I told him that it was better to not fight if you could avoid it, but that didn't mean letting some trash wipe their feet on him. It would have to be his call. In the end, being raised in a decent household by decent people, I am sure your boys will find a happy medium.
DeleteCurrently, my son is just almost six. He's still working on generalizations. I'm planning on enrolling him in a martial arts class when he hits the minimum age (eight, around here) to get him started in self-defense skills, and to aid in teaching him to control himself both emotionally and physically (the boy is gangly like you wouldn't believe--and has grown something like three or four inches this year). Once he learns when he shouldn't hit someone, then he can start learning when he should hit someone, and when he should hit someone first. But...he's six. It's going to take some time.
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