Envy is...something I've written about before. It's nasty, destructive. It's one of the seven deadly sins for a reason.
I'd seen it before, but not close up. Something I realized, last night, is that it's self-destructive. Not just destructive of everything around it, but destructive of everyone who's involved, including the person feeling it.
Last night, I talked to my younger sister. Younger sister is...not in a good place, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. She's not ever been in a good place, not since we were both very small. And I've noted, watching her, a growing problem with her thyroid gland: she's showing every symptom of it being non-functional. And she, being convinced that she won't get treated by a doctor because she's a medicaid patient, won't go. At. All.
She started complaining about it. Because it's Not Fair. "Doctor's offices are supposed to want to help people! They shouldn't be in that business if all they want is money. It's gone to 'survival of the fittest' and that's just wrong."
I could not get across to her that it's not the office's fault. I could not get her to understand that, if they did all the tests on all the people, regardless of what type of insurance they had (real or Medicaid), pretty soon they'd not be able to help anybody.
She only just stopped short of suggesting that since she felt she couldn't get treatment, then nobody should be treated.
I mean, my God. I...kind of made excuses and hung up. There's nothing more I can say. I think she's made her mind up, and envy has destroyed what reasoning power she used to have.
It has definitely destroyed her peace of mind. What little she'd built. She's not just depressed (a life-long issue for her, and now exacerbated hard by the non-functioning thyroid that she won't even attempt to get looked at and treated), but angry, resentful, and bordering on hateful.
I'm honestly not sure I trust her anymore. I do know there are now a whole lot of conversational topics that are completely off the table. I just...can't think how this won't extend further, reach further, and have her attempting to sabotage me, my kids, my family.
And that...that is the worst thing of all that envy can/will do. It doesn't just attempt to destroy those that are envied, but those that harbor envy.