Thursday, September 15, 2016

Feeling hopeful

But only a little.

I've got a doctor's appointment today.  I'm hoping that she's going to be willing to listen to me, but not really expecting a whole lot considering. 

I'm hopeful that eventually I can increase my endurance to sustain a low level of activity so that I can get everything that needs to be done, done.  Right now, I have high and low energy points.  High energy for me is most people's dragging exhaustion.  I can do things for ten or fifteen minutes, then I have to stop for half an hour or longer. 

Today, I sorted two baskets of clothes, unloaded the dryer (towels and bathrobes, all dropped on the end of the bed), and gathered dirty clothes to start reloading the washer.  Took maybe fifteen minutes to do, an hour to recover from.  Same with gathering up a trash bag of graded kid worksheets, missed wrappers, and stuff from the living room coffee table and floor: ten minutes to do, and I'm still not feeling energy coming back after half an hour of sitting.  I'm actually blogging so I don't go to sleep.  No, moar coffee doesn't help anything but the emotional side of things.  Yes, I'm sleeping eight hours almost every night (last night was the only exception this week, and was caused by a sinus headache that wouldn't let me go to sleep).  That's a bit under 2/3 of my to-do list for today.

Honestly, that's more than I was expecting to get done.  Less than what I was hoping for, but more than I was expecting.

I've felt worse than this for a very, very long time, but kept pushing.  Kept going.  Because what choice did I have?  This is the closest to normal I've felt in about eight and a half years.  And it's still not what "normal" is for most, and isn't what my "normal" used to be.

At this point, I'm hoping for "better" but will settle for "good enough." 

As long as "good enough" is by my definitions, not theirs.


  1. Hope the doc actually listens. Feel for ya, trying to do all you do AND raise two kids.

    1. She's listening. And has ordered some testing.