PSA: It's not abuse.

I know that the APA has and the family courts have defined abuse downward until anything can be called abuse, but...there's abuse, and then there's feelings.

Current "wisdom" has it that if you feel abused, you are abused, but that is not the case.  Abuse--specifically physical abuse--is pretty cut-and-dried.  Here, let me give some examples:

If someone punches or backhands their spouse, or slaps hard enough to bring blood or leave bruises, that's abuse.

If someone chokes their spouse*, that's abuse.

If someone rapes** their spouse, that's abuse.

If someone shoves their spouse down stairs or into walls hard enough to leave bruises, that's abuse.

The key here is what causes actual harm.  Pushing someone away who's screaming in your face isn't abuse.  Stopping someone who's charging at you isn't abuse.  Leading someone around to show them the housework they're accusing you of not having done is not abuse.  Yelling during arguments isn't abuse.  The fact that one of the two (or both) owns weapons isn't abuse. 

And anyone who feels otherwise is delusional.

*Choking as in not in the bedroom during agreed-upon fun times.  

**Asking isn't rape. Even nagging isn't rape.  If you're saying yes because you're feeling guilty for saying no, check your conscience, but it isn't rape.  If "no" is respected when it is uttered, it isn't rape.