Emotional abuse

I have seen a lot of cases of this through my life.  Hell, like the physical abuse, I lived through a lot of it my own damn self.

So...what is it?

• Manipulation by the abuser so that they get their way. "If you really love me, you do/not do x, y, and z."

• Degrading little comments that work on the victim's psyche.

• Discouragement of anything that might improve life: "Oh, you shouldn't even try that.  You should know that you never finish anything you start."  (I heard that one from both of my parents where college was concerned)

• Undermining everything that the victim tries to do.  

• Isolation is a classic tactic used by all abusers--in the case of the one specializing in emotional abuse, they try to break up friendships and make family members believe the worst of the victim.  

• Not setting and enforcing clear boundaries for children--it makes the child incredibly insecure and afraid, because it's often accompanied by punishment by whim.  

• Mocking the victim.  Mocking the victim's friends.  Mocking the victim's family. 

• Trying to make the victim feel that they deserve anything they get because they're obviously at fault for something, even if they don't know what it is. 

• Moving the goalposts.  "If you do this, I'll do that.  Wait, no, you have to do this, too.  Um...I changed my mind, there's no way I'll do that."  My dad told me he'd be proud of me if I brought home all A's.  When I did, he glanced at the report card, said, "Huh.  Keep it up," tossed my grades aside, and cooed over my younger sister's C's and D's. 

• Using a child as a weapon to hurt their victim.  

I used to wonder how in the world someone could do this to someone they loved.  I mean, my parents were supposed to love me, right?  My ex swore that he loved me.  Then, I realized something that they all had in common: they said a lot of things that didn't ring true when words were compared with behaviors.

The thing that I learned is this: the emotional abuser doesn't love their victim.  They may say they do, but all they love is the power they have over their victim.

It's one of the main reasons that I will call people on one or two attempts made to manipulate me.  If they keep it up, they're pushed from friendship to the outer circle of acquaintances.  They usually don't mind too much because by this point, they've started to hate me.

Manipulators and emotional abusers really hate people that see through their shit.  Means that's one less potential victim for them to have power over.  They also really hate it when their victims hang out with the people that see through their shit, and will do their damnedest to separate their victims from the people who see through their shit and offer the victims support.

Physical abuse is bad.  Emotional abuse is worse, because it's an attempt to destroy what makes the individual...just so the abuser can feel better about themselves.