28. Never, ever attack a farm girl on her farm. She will pull a gun out of nowhere (despite the knife you're holding at her throat or stabbing her with) and chase you off with a hail of lead--assuming she doesn't manage to actually shoot your stupid ass.
29. If someone tells you to get off their porch, do. Then run. Otherwise, they're going to pull a big-ass gun out of somewhere, make you put your face in the dirt, and hold you there while you wait for the police to come drag your stupid ass to jail.
25 minutes ago
Bonus points for 28 if the attacker was of Italian decent and if she's of Irish.
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