Sunday, January 4, 2015

Excuses

I am beginning to be of the opinion that people use psychological and/or medical diagnoses to excuse their own behavior, rather than choosing to work to better themselves. 

My mother is an example of this.  Yes, she has fibro.  Yes, she has something that mimics COPD.  Yes, she's clinically depressed, and Medicaid won't pay for treatment.  But y'know, she does do that which truly matters to her: despite the fibro, she keeps her house neat (for the most part) and keeps the kitchen clean.  Yes, she's got some help paid for by Medicaid, but she does everything but the vacuuming and the dusting herself (the things that bother her breathing).  Because she cares about a clean house.

What she isn't doing is looking for a better home, one that would get my sister out of the attic where she breathes in mouse leavings mixed with fiberglass, which triggered some nasty asthma. 

What she isn't doing is moving away from a place where she's convinced that my male genetic donor spread rumors (true) and ruined her reputation (false--she did that herself, by acting ashamed).

She blames her depression for that.  She also blames needing to stay to help her younger sisters, and that she can't afford better (which is bullshit--she makes more than I do). 

My father was another example.  He survived an abusive childhood...to perpetuate the abuse upon his own children.  He chose his actions, despite knowing that what he was doing was wrong.  I know he knew it was wrong, because he worked so hard to be perceived as a saint by everyone not living in his house.  He chose to be an utter bastard. 

I was diagnosed in high school as a borderline sociopath.  I made the choice to be better, partially because I knew I was broken and didn't want to be, partially because I knew it was in my own best interest not to act on my natural inclinations. 

I have been diagnosed with low thyroid, which limits what I can get done because I just...run out of energy.  I still do the critical tasks, like making sure the kitchen is clean, my kids are clean and fed, and the kids' laundry is clean.  I prioritize things by their importance: my kids are important, a clean kitchen is important; a clean living room, or hall, or master bedroom is far lower on the list of priorities.  I do not use the thyroid as an excuse.  I work around it, and I am planning on discussing raising my dosage with my doctor at my annual appointment in July.  And, for the moment, I'm taking an herbal-based thyroid supplement that works in short bursts to make sure I have the energy to get the important stuff done.   I am trying to solve the problem, not use it as an excuse to be lazy.

I chose to work to be better than what I am.  Just as my mom chooses not to let her constant pain and exhaustion limit her taking care of her house, but chooses to let her depression limit where and how she lives. 

Those who choose to take a diagnosis and use it as an excuse...yeah, I'm beginning to have less and less sympathy for them. 

4 comments:

  1. Sad to hear, but not really unexpected... Some 'won't' better themselves for any number of reasons. Many times a 'medical' issue is used as the excuse. Thanks for your honesty and giving us a look behind the curtain, so to speak. There are a lot of folks with REAL problems that seem to make it fairly well, but that is because they're fighters!

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    1. This was sparked when I read a series of blog articles about how American parents are blaming the results of their poor parenting skills/not being on the same page where discipline is concerned on biological causes: ADD/ADHD and ODD, specifically. And that got me to thinking about...well, what you see here.

      One thing I always am is honest. It's one of my most pronounced traits...and one of my biggest failings.

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    2. Not a failing... Honesty is a LOT easier to remember than lies... Just sayin...

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    3. Yeah, well, being asked what you think of the university's brand new idea for template classes for the online instructors, and then asked what you think of the class can get you in trouble, when you're too honest.

      It didn't get me fired, but it was a near thing. My department head really went to bat for me.

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