Wednesday, May 4, 2016

I know nobody wants to hear the truth about themselves, but damn.

Recently, I was talking to my mother.  She said she was thinking of seeing a psychologist to see if she could get them to figure out why no one liked her and wanted to be around her for long, why people tend to turn against her after a bit of time in her company. 

"You self-sabotage, and sabotage others around you.  You also act like you expect others to bail you out when you do this."

"I don't understand what you mean."

"You bought a new couch.  The old one was perfectly fine--you just didn't like it.  I helped you out with groceries since that was your savings plus your grocery money.  Now, your water heater, washer, and air conditioner have all given up at once.  You had no savings, and asked the church to help you with the water heater (which they did).  Instead of getting your washer, which was still under warranty, fixed, you decided to take your savings, the money from your secondhand toilet you sold, and [sister's], and buy a new to you one.  Your AC is still out.  And now, [sister] can't afford the new mattress she needs without paying financing charges, and can't move out because you've sabotaged yourself and her financially.  And you're helpless to fix this by yourself.  And you expect others to help you out of the mess you got yourself into."

"I still don't understand.  Why won't you tell me straight out, instead of dancing around it?"

I don't think I can use small enough words to get this across to her.  There is not a single shrink in the world that can.  And then she'll wonder why they write her off when they do. 

I wonder how the hell I wound up as sane and reasonable as I did with this for an example.

6 comments:

  1. "conditional help" is the only kind they want. And, they'll only take your advice if it's exactly what they want to do anyway.

    The world is full of people like that. I'm related to several of them. My mother took our help $$$ for years -- she won $4,000 at the casino one time and spent every cent on herself.

    -Moe

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    1. I understand that. But still: how the hell is what I told her "dancing around" a straight answer?

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  2. I think "dancing around" really means "I don't want to hear that."

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  3. She is NOT listening to you at all... In her mind, you're still 12...

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    1. Most of the rest of my family think I'm still six, so Mom's opinion of me is actually a compliment.

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