Monday, November 1, 2010


Recently, a blog I read posted a list of types of blame-the-victim rape apologists. I found it pretty accurate, and kind of funny, honestly. I didn't comment, because at first, I didn't have anything to say.

Then, in the comments, things got ugly. I don't know what it is about women in general and radical (or at least borderline radical) feminists in specific that takes any reasonable point made by a man and twists it to mean (in their mind) that all men are either rapists, or blame-the-victim apologists.

Actually, I think I do understand: women's brains tend to disengage when they perceive that someone is disagreeing with them. That tends to lead to the types of rather hysterical attacks, instead of the realization nobody disagrees with them. The men they're attacking as apologists also don't want women to be raped. However, since women tend to want to vent, and men tend to listen and try to think of ways to fix the problem, the men offer logical suggestions (i.e., don't drink way too much around people you probably don't know).

Women don't want to hear the logical, reasonable suggestions. They counter with "I should be able to drink as much as I want, anywhere I want, wearing whatever I want, and nobody should harass me about it." And then, they attack the man who dared offer constructive suggestions as if he was a rapist.

In a perfect world, they'd be right that they should never have to be careful. However, this world is not perfect. It has not been perfect since the first couple disobeyed their Maker in the one thing he told them not to do. Yes, we have the right to do what we want, when we want, however we want--however, just as it's the responsibility of any individual not to attack another, each of us also has the responsibility to do our utmost to protect ourselves. It is not anyone else's responsibility. It is definitely not the responsibility of a man--not even my husband--to defend me, now that I'm an adult.

However, it seems that just pointing out that this isn't a perfect world, and it is each individual's responsibility to maintain situational awareness and protect themselves is, in certain circles, tantamount to blaming the victim for the attack. And, as such, is as reprehensible as the rapist himself.

It's just another reason I dislike most other women. I prefer to hang around with people who use their brains as much as they do their emotions. Maybe that makes me a misogynist; however, since I am a woman, by certain arguments, I cannot be one.


  1. You know, this is kind of comparable in my mind to the "I should be able to do what I want and expect to be bailed out if things go bad."

    It's kind of like some of the folks around here, who are simply gobsmacked to find that their houses have been burglarized, after they went off and left the doors unlocked. I think that's an incredibly risky and stupid thing to do, and yet some people believe they should be allowed to do it and the "cops should just be better."

  2. The thing is, it's not the cops' responsibility to prevent crime, just to investigate the crime, and catch and prosecute the perp. It is each individual's responsibility to do their utmost to protect themselves by making themselves a harder target to attack.

    I really hate this "someone else must take care of me" mentality out there.

  3. This all means that the ancient astronauts had gender issues.....

  4. Yeah, the "Someone take care of me" mentality makes me stabby. Because it leads to a form of tyranny: people in government telling us what all the details of our lives are (what we can drive, what we should eat) for our "own good." Not just the people who wish to remain infants; everyone gets crushed under that thumb..

    C.S. Lewis had a great statement about the tyranny of those who are doing it for "the good of" those they lord it over.

  5. ricki, found the quote you mentioned on Firehand's blog:

    Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their consciences. - C.S. Lewis

  6. I work in an ER, and here's something I've noticed: the vast majority of rape victims were raped by their own husbands, boyfriends, exes, friends, etc., in their own homes or at a trusted friend's home. (And they were generally wearing sweatpants and t-shirts.)

    That's the MAJORITY. They weren't wild drunken party girls in whore clothes; they were women who thought they were safe and thought they were following the rules. They didn't lapse in "responsibility" in any way.

    Oh, and hi Mousie, good to know your opinions are so... accommodating...

  7. Holly is right. Thank you so much for standing up for me, I feel really alone in all this. But I've got to disagree, I don't think women's brains shut down when someone disagrees. I think I was attacked totally unfairly, but I think it's due to a set of emotions that men would feel the same way if positions were reversed.

  8. Its a complicated thing, rape does not only happen to brainless women. But those are the ones that stand out in our minds.

    As for women who dismiss everything a man says, its no different whites or blacks dismissing everything the other says. It all boils down to anger. Anger has away of eliminating all logic when it has its way.

    BTW, thanks for visiting my blog!